What's Left Of Me
by Just A Little Bit Dramatic
Summary: A songfic in Edward's POV. After he left her, until he met her again. Set during New Moon.


**A oneshot of Edward after he left Bella. Literally, the night he left her. And when she returns to him. All in his POV. I wrote a kind of prequel to this if you want to check it out. It's a oneshot, called 'Treachery Of The Mind'. Please do read it.**

**I don't own Twilight, New Moon, this song, or Edward Cullen. Though, I'm a bit reluctant to write that last one.**

_Watched my life pass me by,_

_In the rear-view mirror,_

_Pictures frozen in time are becoming clearer,_

_I don't wanna waste another day,_

_Stuck in the shadow of my mistakes,_

_Yeah._

I ran through the forest blindly, trying not to picture her face. Her anguished eyes, the tears, everything about her. I had asked Alice to move everything for me, but found I wanted to. I had to. And so I placed it all under her floorboards. Despite myself, I had to leave her something. She wouldn't know it, but I was still there. I wasn't referring to the presents anymore. I was referring to my heart, and the pieces of me that had been ripped away in that forest. I'd never get them back.

_Cause I want you, and I feel you,_

_Crawling underneath my skin,_

_Like a hunger, like a burning,_

_To find a place I've never been,_

_Now I'm broken, and I'm fading,_

_I'm half the man I thought I would be,_

_You can have,_

_What's left of me._

No one said a word to me when I returned. I punched my fist into the wall, splintering the plaster, my eyes closed. My unnecessary breathing was shaky and uneven, and I could control it as effectively as I could control the weather. It wouldn't silence. Jasper glanced at me, and a wave of calm washed over me. I growled at him, and the calm washed away. Jasper swayed on his feet, bearing all of my emotion, and his eyes betrayed his guilt. But I couldn't forgive him. Not yet. It wasn't his fault, but I needed to blame it on someone. Someone who wasn't me.

_I've been dying inside little by little,_

_Nowhere to go, _

_But going out of my mind,_

_In endless circles,_

_Running from myself until,_

_You gave me a reason for standing still._

Esme was the one to come with me as we drove to our new home. She was silent, sensing my need for quiet, until the dawn of a new day fell. She murmured words of comfort, but they barely reached me. I was living without really living. I was dead without really being dead. I was crying without really crying. And I stopped loving her without really stopping at all. It felt as though the pain would never leave.

_Cause I want you, and I feel you,_

_Crawling underneath my skin,_

_Like a hunger, like a burning,_

_To find a place I've never been,_

_Now I'm broken, and I'm fading,_

_I'm half the man I thought I would be,_

_You can have,_

_What's left of me._

I had read the old tales of vampires and vampire slayers. The old myths about sunlight, coffins, and stakes through the heart. I was dying with all of these. My sunlight, my Bella, was killing me. She was driving the stake through my heart, until my heart was gone completely. She was nailing the lid on my coffin. She was my own person vampire slayer, and yet, my guardian angel. But no. The light of my life had been dimmed, and I was the one who had turned the light off.

_Falling faster,_

_Barely breathing,_

_Give me something to believe in,_

_Tell me it's not all in my head,_

_Take what's left of this man,_

_Make me whole once again._

It was a lifetime later, or so it seemed, when Rosalie told me. I had never felt so much pain and grief. It was an echo of the pain I had felt when I left, or when my mother died, but magnified. And the Volturi, mercilessly, wouldn't kill me. I refused to live. Even if I didn't see her, in death, I was going to try. I would fight my way from hell for her. Or wherever it was we went.

_Cause I want you, and I feel you,_

_Crawling underneath my skin,_

_Like a hunger, like a burning,_

_To find a place I've never been,_

_Now I'm broken, and I'm fading,_

_I'm half the man I thought I would be,_

_You can have,_

_What's left of me._

I thought I was dead when she ran into my arms. It had thrown me off, that one like Bella could be in hell. Then I realized Carlisle was right. If I had known, I would have made her like me instead of leaving. It took her a few moments to convince me we were alive. And together. She looked different, somehow. More fragile…but her scent seemed all the more appealing to me. Beautiful. And she was. I looked at her, feeling almost alive, and complete. Then we were taken into the lion's den.

_I've been dying inside you see,_

_I'm going out of my mind,_

_Out of my mind,_

_I'm just running in circles all the time,_

_Will you take what's left, _

_Will you take what's left, _

_Will you take what's left of me?_

I couldn't believe she had believed my lie. That the seed of doubt in her mind had grown, until the light of the truth no longer shone. She wouldn't believe me. Had I really messed up everything? I hoped not, and so I pleaded with her, until she took what was left of me.

_I'm just running in circles all the time,_

_Will you take what's left, _

_Will you take what's left, _

_Will you take what's left of me?_

_Take what's left of me._

**Truthfully, did it suck? I need to know if I can write Edward, or Edward depressed. But yes, I loved writing that. Off to do another! That song was 'What's Left Of Me' by Nick Lachey, by the way. Love it! And as I said, I wrote a kind of prequel to this if you want to check it out. It's a oneshot, called 'Treachery Of The Mind'. Please do read it.**

**Please review, for me and for Edward Cullen!**

**Just A Little Bit Dramatic**


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